Rating: NC-17, I would imagine. Really quite PWP. Also crack.
Warnings: auto-fellatio; gratuitous gymnastics; indulgent abuse of yoga terminology; anatomically improbable acts.
Author Notes: this is all colfer's fault. Surprise!
“That was so great!” Blaine exclaims with a showy cheer clap as Kurt sticks the landing on his double twist, his feet a solid, heavy thud into the mat. “I think you can get another rotation though...do you want to try it again on the tramp?”
“I’m not supposed to stick that there. It’s supposed to land in a split, but I need to stretch more, then I’ll add a tuck flip and try the split there, maybe.” Kurt steps into a back handspring and half-twist, tries for another tuck just to see if he can, but lands with a step out and a little scowl. He towels the back of his neck and takes his bottle of zero calorie electrolyte beverage from Blaine, swigging a few sips before brushing a messy kiss on Blaine’s cheek. “Thanks for your help today, babe.”
“No problem...you know I love to watch you practice. You’re so...flexible. It’s amazing, Kurt. I can barely do a cartwheel,” Blaine grins.
Kurt blushes. He knows it’s true but he doesn’t get tired of hearing his boyfriend praise his skills. Since Mr. Schuester left Lima to try to make it on Broadway (and subsequently wound up in Vegas utilizing a fake Australian accent in the cast of Thunder Down Under), Coach Sylvester has taken over Glee, and has been insistent that they will never take a National title without at least two big tumbling passes.
A lot of their singers tried training with Brittany on her backyard trampoline under the watchful eye of Lord Tubbington, but it was only Kurt who showed the skill now that Mike Chang had graduated. Blaine, bless him, put in his own hours working out on the Cheerios’ tramps and tumbling mats, but he doesn’t have the length and height. Brittany is actually an awesome coach, and has taught Kurt as much about tumbling as she did about kissing. Kurt is the only boy in McKinley history who can hit a high Bb and do 8 back handsprings across the gym floor.
Blaine takes a sip of Kurt’s drink too, and they make their way down onto the mat to do some stretching together. This is one area of the gymnastics workout Blaine feels pretty comfortable with, but Kurt, of course, is better. Kurt takes off his sneakers and socks, and they start with pigeon pose, which Blaine knows Kurt learned taking yoga at the community college. It’s a deep stretch, for opening up the hips, and it feels good, even better when Kurt reaches over and places a hand gently on Blaine’s back, encouraging him to go a little deeper. Blaine breathes and folds forward, and indeed, with Kurt’s help, he can.
That’s where Kurt’s ability leaves Blaine in the dust though, as he easily unfolds his front leg and inches it forward, scooting along the rubber mat with his toes, until he is in a full split. He inhales deeply, settling into the stretch, looking elegant and effortless as always and Blaine just groans.
“How do you do that?” Blaine always asks, incredulously, with a fond shake of his head. He knows the answer though, that Kurt is just special in a great many ways, and his lack of restrictive ligaments is one of them.
Kurt smirks and flexes his toes, rolls his ankles in the stretch, showing off a bit. Blaine gets himself out of pigeon and sits in a wide V, grinning beatifically at his boyfriend. He can lean forward pretty far in this position, so when Kurt asks him for help lifting his back foot off the ground in a slight hyper-extension, he can just roll his hips down and grab Kurt’s ankle. He only lifts a tiny bit, knowing this is a very vulnerable position and could be dangerous for Kurt’s tendons if he does it wrong. He sets the foot down when Kurt nods for him too, and then scoots around to the front leg to do the same.
Satisfied that he is stretched adequately, Kurt rolls his back leg out of the split and scissors it forward, holding himself up in a pike position, then rolling smoothly back in a somersault, his legs folding over his head into plow pose to lengthen his spine after the compression of the split. Blaine watches him with awe, chin on his hands on the floor, suddenly tilting his head to the side.
“Yeah babe?” Kurt half-grunts the words from his bent position, legs still flayed straight back over his head and toes perfectly planted into the floor.
“You know...you’re awfully close to...have you ever tried...you know.”
Kurt flushes from his awkward position, tries to roll his eyes toward Blaine and maintain his stretch without laughing.
“Why, Mr. Anderson, whatever do you mean?”
“I mean...” Blaine stammers a little and Kurt loves it. “I mean you look like, just, from where I’m sitting...you look like you could probably. I don’t know. Get your...mouth...there.” Blaine rolls up in a ball and pretends it’s part of his stretch, and Kurt giggles.
“Where, Blaine? Oh you mean...oh. Hmmm. Well, that is an interesting question, Blaine Warbler. What do you think? You think I could...” Kurt cranes his neck upward just a smidge, exaggerating the movement for Blaine’s benefit. “Am I close, Blaine?”
“Uhh...yeah, you’re. You’re pretty close, Kurt. I think...just a couple inches left-”
“That’s what she said,” Kurt cuts him off, sharp and smirking beneath his perfectly planked legs. Blaine laughs but never takes his eyes off Kurt, gazing intently as Kurt lifts his head a little higher into the space created by the insane angle of his back.
“I think...” Kurt pauses, pushes his hands up under his lower back and finds another few degrees in that curve, and Blaine lets out a little gasp. The telltale bit of bulge in the soft fabric of Kurt’s sweatpants rests, just for a moment, at his bottom lip. Kurt’s eyes dart to the side to find Blaine’s, smiling as he puckers his lips into a tiny little kiss against the material where it pokes his mouth. “Yep. There’s the tip.”
Blaine kicks himself in the face getting out of his stretch.
“Oh thank god,” Blaine lets out in a wheeze, literally clutching his chest like he’s got the vapors as Kurt pulls his SUV into the driveway and not one car is home at the Hudmel house. Kurt snickers and turns off the ignition, grabbing Blaine roughly by the neck and kissing him way too hard and too wet just to really get Blaine going, downright mean when they are still sitting in the driveway and the house is so far away.
“Unnnnnnhhhh, come on come on come on!” Blaine practically springs out the car door like an excited dog that just spotted the beach while Kurt is still taking off his seat belt.
“Excited about something, Blaine?” Kurt cocks his head, taking his time gathering his books, gym bag, phone, water bottle, and Blaine is so impatient he is doing kick spins in the gravel and might have a full on tantrum any moment. “You need, uh, a juice box or something there? Buddy?” Kurt grins at him, squinting in the sun, his eyes glinting with mischief.
Blaine takes two steps back and grabs Kurt’s books from his arms with an exasperated, “oh my god, Kurt,” and a flounce, landing on the doorstep and fidgeting there as Kurt strolls up the sidewalk, twirling the keys torturously around his finger before finally, finally unlocking the door and following leisurely behind Blaine as he bolts inside.
Blaine has dumped their books on the sofa and is halfway up the stairs to Kurt’s room before Kurt can even get the door locked again. He’s perched on Kurt’s bed, practically vibrating with excitement, shoes already kicked off alongside the wall. His soft grey hoodie is half unzipped in a nicely enticing fashion, chest hair peeking out from the open zipper and, oh, is all Kurt can manage as he takes in the whole view of his boyfriend, palming himself excitedly through his gym pants.
“Do you want to shower first, or...” Blaine rushes, tripping over his words as Kurt comes closer and steps between his legs.
Kurt looks at him like he’s gone a bit wild, and really he has, but pulls him in anyway, curling his fingers in Blaine’s slightly sweaty hair and leaning down to kiss him. “No, we can...after. What has...wow you are really excited by that, aren’t you?”
“Mm hmm mm hmm mm hmm,” Blaine nods and murmurs against Kurt’s mouth, running his hands up under Kurt’s shirt, sighing at the feel of Kurt’s muscular chest at his fingertips as they unzip and drop hoodies to the floor. Blaine reaches down to cup Kurt in his hand, squeezing a little and smiling into their kiss as he feels the distinctive lengthening and hardening in his palm. He pulls away, Kurt grabbing back at him with his lips and leaning forward into his hand, but Blaine just grins and keeps stroking him. “You gonna show me? I’ll get you started...” Blaine sinks down on the bed in demonstration, licking his lips and bringing his face down to nuzzle at Kurt’s groin.
“Oh you will, will you? Get me started and then what?” Kurt teases, drawing his hips closer to Blaine’s face and rubbing against him a little, just the friction and humid warmth of Blaine’s mouth already working pretty nicely for him.
“Then I’m going to sit here like a total perv and jerk off while I watch you. I mean...as long as you’ll let me, anyway,” Blaine blurts out, then blushes and dips his head a little like he can’t believe he just said that. Out loud.
Kurt’s jaw drops and he looks aghast, laughing and shoving Blaine off playfully, “oh my god my boyfriend is a total perv! Why are you so into this? I mean can’t you see it on the internet?”
“Yes, Kurt, I can see it on the internet but you doing it is going to be waaaaayyyy better, and it’s so hot to me because I’ve tried, believe me I have tried, and sprained my neck and dislocated my shoulder and I can’t reach but you can because you are the best boyfriend ever and please please please let me watch?” Blaine finishes his plea and sits back primly on the bed, eyes wide like a puppydog and mouth open in a perfect circle, just waiting.
“Oh geez, Blaine, you know I can’t resist the begging,” Kurt sighs, running a finger down the length of Blaine’s open jaw and teasing at his lips. Blaine growls and leans forward, pushing the sweatpants off over Kurt’s slinky hips and nipping at Kurt’s skin where his hand touches his mouth. “Ok fine. I will show you. But babe, this is some serious, like, tantric yoga cult, secret shadow society shit. Once you see this...I kind of have to either marry you or kill you.”
“Yep that’s fine, mmmm, yeah we’ll go to...Iowa...wherever...or Sting can come kill me, it’s totally worth it...” Blaine babbles, losing his words and trailing off as he pulls Kurt’s semi-hard dick into his mouth.
Kurt exhales a hard shaky breath as Blaine starts sucking, feeling himself almost instantly engorge to his full size inside Blaine’s mouth, Blaine’s breathing changing from light panting to muffled, a little choked. His lips drag up and down the shaft in a smooth, tight O. He pulls out to the very tip, smiling up at Kurt with his mouth open and cock resting on his lower lip. Kurt grips his head and gives a little thrust, just one, lightly fucking Blaine’s mouth because he knows he loves it, but he also knows that’s about as far as this can go if he’s going to get to the other thing without coming all over Blaine’s face.
He taps his shoulder lightly, “ok, ok,” and Blaine pulls off with a wet smack, wiping the corners of his mouth neatly and sitting back against the huge pile of pillows as Kurt takes himself in hand and gives a few strokes. Blaine kicks his pants the rest of the way off and lays back with his hand around his cock, looking like he’s just put a quarter in the booth and is waiting for his show.
“You’re ridiculous, you know,” Kurt laughs, unrolling his yoga mat from its tidy keeping place with his ankle weights and resistance bands. He stretches out in corpse pose for a moment, just feeling the corners and texture of his mat and getting his mind ready. Blaine sits up a little more, watching every move and smiling every time he strokes down on his dick.
“You’re the one that’s going to suck your own dick for me,” Blaine intones, sweet just on the edge of raspy, licking his lips and grinning as Kurt pushes up into a bridge to elongate his spine before he tries, hard cock jutting up and pointing up the length of Kurt’s body. Blaine whines.
“Touché,” Kurt replies on an exhale as he carefully lowers himself back down, because he can’t resist a sword joke, then settles his spine and starts rolling up onto his shoulders. Blaine’s eyes narrow and his hand speeds up subconsciously, making all kinds of embarrassing little noises as he watches Kurt move into the position. The practice and the strength needed to do this are apparent, the vertebrae in Kurt’s back stacking just right, his strong arms pressing up from beneath him to support the posture.
His cock bobs there in front of his face, looking kind of odd from this angle, Kurt thinks to himself as he gets ready to try, making some adjustments to the angle of his neck. He takes a deep breath in and lets his legs sink as low as they can go, and Blaine gives him an excited little “yes!” in anticipation. Kurt’s dick being so hard makes the angle wrong though, and it winds up too far below his chin. He figures out that his hips are actually too low and he needs a little more arch, a little more lift and then rolls slightly down onto his feet and...
“Oh my fucking god,” Blaine almost yells, “do it Kurt, open your mouth, you’re totally there....yessssss!” Blaine just stares in abject, wordless wonderment as Kurt’s cock dips into his own mouth. His face is red from the exertion of it and it looks more than a little awkward but it looks awesome and Blaine has to squeeze down hard on himself to stop from coming instantly.
Kurt uses the flex of his abs and his back muscles to control the movement, just a little gravity dropping his dick into his waiting mouth now and then, stopping carefully when his hips rise up and trying not to giggle, “this is really weird Blaine.” He draws himself inside once more and Blaine scoots closer to him, brushing his hand over the backs of his thighs and his high, firm ass muscles where they are displayed and taut in the air.
“You look so amazing, Kurt. I’m so jealous and so hot and I want you to fuck me for days right now, oh my god. Just...just take it a little deeper...let me see you suck it, c’mon. I know you can,” Blaine is dazed and babbling and jerking himself off, down on his knees now and petting at Kurt as many places as he can without messing up his balance. Kurt lets out a long breath and adjusts again, lets his body sink into the position a little deeper with his mouth open and glistening and then, holy shit yes, he is almost all the way inside his mouth and Blaine might actually die, right here, and that would be really hard to explain.
Kurt looks up at him wildly, eyes locking onto Blaine’s as he pulls from his cheeks and starts to actually suck on himself and wow he really goes for it...noisy, messy, slippery skin on swollen red lips and Blaine is definitely going to marry him if Kurt will have him. Every guy should get to see how the guy they sleep with would suck his own dick if they could, Blaine realizes, taking some mental notes and stroking his own cock furiously as Kurt drags his teeth lightly along the sensitive skin of his own dick, draws back out and flicks his tongue underneath the head as it pops wetly out of his mouth so he can talk.
“I can’t hold this much longer...and I don’t wanna come in my own mouth, sorry, babe,” Kurt explains with a shudder and a hard shaky breath and Blaine understands, gets closer to him and leans over to awkwardly kiss the side his his mouth as best he can reach him.
“I’m close, I’m so close, can I...just a little more, Kurt, and then I’ll help you. Can I...while you...gahhh oh I’m close.” His eyes start to flutter and Kurt gets it immediately, half nods his chin just enough to get himself back in his lips and looks up at Blaine, eyelashes beaded with tears and drops of spit like dew on his chin, his own hard, thick cock firmly inside his mouth and just moans around it once, soft and throaty and muted by his own flesh, before Blaine chokes out, “fuck, Kurt, fuck I fucking love you,” and comes on Kurt’s lips, cheeks, the base of his dick where they all, improbably, meet right now.
Blaine barely has the mental wherewithal to not fall over in a heap but he makes himself, settles back on his heels for only a moment before he tends to Kurt, pink-faced and desperate and leaking pre-come onto his chin and chest as Blaine wraps his arms behind his legs and helps him lower his hips. Kurt flattens his sacrum into the mat and moans in pleasure as Blaine spreads his legs open and lays down between them, sliding his palms around Kurt’s ass and hips and holding him down, the flatness so relaxing and the feel of Blaine’s mouth on him such a welcome relief.
Blaine kisses and tongues at him gratefully, sucking his cock in deeply and almost reverently. Kurt shivers happily, lays his arms out like tree limbs, spreading everything out wide and letting go, letting Blaine just take him, his breath hitching in his chest but his hips barely even tilting up when he comes, a long, lazy wave of an orgasm that just ripples all over, from him to Blaine and back again, lapping at him like the tide.
Blaine doesn’t let Kurt go until he’s completely done, soft and hazy and resting on his side between sweet kisses.
“Your yoga classes...are awesome,” Blaine whispers, touching his lips lightly over Kurt’s heavy, closed eyelids.
Kurt smiles softly, murmurs in agreement. “Hmmmm. Namaste, Blaine.”